May 2012
So I walk through the door and was about to make a loud obnoxious comment about my day, like usual, but then I saw some guy I didn’t know at the kitchen table. I already looked like a rude slob, so I opened the first door I saw and went in. It was a closet. Damn my luck and Stranger Danger instincts. I seriously had to pee. -_____-
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He pasta way.
we cannoli do so much
his legacy will become a pizza history.
here today, gone tomato
How sad that he ran out of thyme.
Sending olive my prayers to the family.
His wife is really upset. Cheese still not over it.
You never sausage a tragic thing
That's it.
I’m going to go on Wheel of Fortune. I could’ve just won a new car.
Baby, I miss you so much.
I love how your farts linger in the air of my bedroom.
That’s the scent I love.
lolwat.
Babe is so sweet to me. »
When you touch the bathroom doorknob and the knob is already wet
Going to the last day of Happy Hour with my Mom on Mother's Day. [:
Listen
who keeps making these fucking remixes
i wanna fucking kiss them
Very good
but why did i start doing the carlton dance to this
LUUUUULZ.
“I’m the Hulk. Whenever I get mad, I end up naked.”
—My Girlfriend
